Walking Through her Silhouettes

Bernice Cheo

`Independent

`Nostalgic

Saturday, August 23, 2008

I am a constant worrier.

What Mrs Raj said was right. I am a worrier.

Its only recently that I realised that worrying is my greatest weakness and submitting to the fear of not being good enough is my flaw.
I had been really complacent. I am bruised by the consequences of my complacency, disappointments. For not being up to my expectations, I worry. For not pushing myself to the limits, I worry. For not taking the first strides, I worry. For my family, I worry. For not drawing the curtains at night, I worry. For not listening to my parents, I worry...

I worry for almost everything.

Because of all these worries, I haven't been happy, I haven't been without the constant fear of not being good enough. My confidence level is low.
Just when I thought I had a certain strength, the fear of changes had made me incompetent and disabled me from applying what I thought I was good at.

All this while, I was contemplating. And I thought that all the contemplation would mature me and clear my doubts.
I was wrong. These contemplations however, were never strong enough to make me act. How superficial right?

Now, I worry for the next change, I fear losing out.
All my perturbations.

Perhaps only Sarah will understand me.
Nobody does now. Not even those closest to me.

"WORRY NEVER ROBS TOMORROW OF ITS SORROW;
IT ONLY SAPS TODAY OF ITS STRENGTH."
A.J. CRONIN

I know its true. I'm really trying hard to stop worrying.

Bernice